There exists a subset of humanity who stumble onto enlightenment in their early teens. Inspired by some revelatory event or figure in their life, they embark on the lifelong pursuit of some career objective with frightening clarify (for a child). You know – the folks who so earnestly exclaim that “I’ve always wanted to be a [insert professional title here]”.
I approach most of these assertions with cynicism. I’m sure there are some sixteen-year-olds out there who just ‘knew’ they’ll be a doctor, and then proceeds to live her life in accordance with a blueprint constructed with amazing foresight and a thorough understanding of academic and professional progression required for in their field. I’ve met these people too. Overachieving, ambitious, intelligent people who live their life with astounding discipline. One such friend once pored over his minute-by-minute calendar with me in zest. He read X number of industry publications per week, scheduled X lunch/Coffees with industry execs, attended nightly networking seminars and maintained a personal development/branding blog with X readers. As far as I could tell, he lives in genuine fulfilment with his commoditized self.
And then there’s my kind of people, who live a mostly emergent life. We embrace the flow and let the storm carry us where it will, riding on high tides one moment, shattered ashore the next. Life plan? What life plan? I have long surrendered to the capricious winds. Let the slings and arrows strike where they may.
That attitude makes for a bitching time at interviews when I try to reconcile my career paths. “I don’t know where I’ll be in five years.” I want to tell them. “All I know is I will try to be a better and more competent person and hope to have moved a tiny bit ahead in the insurmountable social problem I’ve tasked myself to overcome.” Said problem, for now, being education – that it should be universally accessibly, equitable, unconstrained and do a better job at turning protohumans into functioning adults.
But no. Humans are suckers for patterns. Life needs a prescribed narrative. I don’t know why. Maybe it gives the illusion of control? Foresight? Wisdom?
So instead I paint a little picture of a logical, intelligible life, driven by passion and fuelled with ambition. Pixel by pixel, a picture emerges of a motivated young man on the paths to entrepreneurship. He’ll start an education business someday to exercise his vision for education. That visions being refined by his experience so far – first on the ‘content side’, now on the ‘service side’, gradually enveloping the full spectrum of the field from special needs to K to 12.
What a load of horseshit.
The real story is: I take whatever job available, join whatever team with whom I can get along, take on whatever task unalluring to others. It is mostly through luck that I have stuck by a virtuous industry.
Within the constraints of reality, I worm towards a true ideal: to change the world into a place that tolerates and is tolerated by me. And no, this is not ambition and egomania taken to absurdity. This is the fantasy of a mad child enervated from seeking acceptance, howling at the immutable sea.
#00117F 