I moved into a new apartment this week. A little one-bed room on the ground floor where grasses grow, and snails reside, cozy and resolute.
A south-facing suite on the fifth floors in my building costs at least 1/3rd more, the pent house suite is double, even though the layout is identical.
Based on the two dozen or so properties I saw, one may extrapolate that cost of rental properties in Shanghai is determined by a function where,
rent = f(d, a, s, f, w, I, γ, Λ, Ω)
- d = distance from major business centers – whatever savings you get from a commute goes here
- a = age of construction – there’s a reason why the city is ripping apart buildings erected before 1980
- s = swankiness of locale, hipsterness, or proximity to a school if you’re a real human.
- f = proximity to the heavens, but only if there are elevators.
- w = number of windows
- i = how closely the décor resembles that of an IKEA cataloque
- γ = greed premium of the landlord
- Λ = loneliness subsidy – lower gross rent if you’re bloody single
- Ω = sunlight tax
Ω is the interesting one, because there’s a rental premium that cannot be explained by floor level (i) alone. I understand the appeal of high rises, but the relationship between rent and floor level is almost exponential, and it begins at an imaginary line, which differs unit to unit but invariably begins at the cut-off point of the sun, below which resides the plebeians submerged in the shadow of the urban jungle. I would postulate that if one gathered the price information of every rental property in China, a relationship can be determined between the cost, and the hours of sunlight the property gets to enjoy.
This is price discrimination at its finest, bloody capitalism baring its glorious pierced tits for the world to see. Pack a bunch of high-rises closely together, thick as pubic hair, and charge people more if they want to enjoy sunlight. Okay it’s probably not as insidious as that, just enterprising landlords capitalizing on poor urban design. Nevertheless, we now live in a world where the sun and open skies have become a sort of luxury, so rejoice. I suppose we can take solace in the fact that the sun remains an egalitarian force of all, we’re all supposed to be nurtured by the same UV radiation, and too much of it will kill us.
***
Remember that story of the rich businessman and the fisherman? A rich businessman is vacationing on an island. He’s strolling on the beach one morning and comes across a chill hipster fisherman dude enjoying some weed under the sun, resting by a basket of fish. Instead of minding his own business, the businessman became intrigued about the fisherman’s daily schedule. It was early morning, after, and he couldn’t understand why the fisherman isn’t out there catching more fish.
Being super chill and all, the fisherman decided to engage in conversation and responded: “I got all the fish I need to feed my family, so now I get to enjoy some sun, some good weed, and later I’ll hang out with ma kids, and when the sun’s down and the kids are asleep, I’ll come out and make love to my wife by the ocean, under moonlight.”
Bristling with indignance, the businessman decided to impart on some life-advice. He was rich after all, and rich people just knew better. He explained to the fisherman: “if you went out and caught more fish, you could sell the excess fish at the fish market. In fact, you could create an app where hipsters can order fish straight from the basked. That could even be your app’s name!”
The businessman, now excited, continues. “And you could put on a shirt and tie and go raise some capital from VCs – your proposition is to build the first and largest organic seafood distribution platform. I’ll give you the seed money in exchange for 25% equity. If you generate some traction after a year, you can sell the app to some sucker and exit with several million dollars at least! You might even end up as rich as me!”
But the fisherman looks at the business with a puzzled look, scratching his hipster beard. “And what would I do with all that money?”
“You get to live like me!” The businessman exclaimed! “You get to vacation on a tropical island with your family and enjoy the sun”.
“But what’s stopping me from enjoying the sun with my family now!” Explained the fisherman.
Seeing that his sage advice fell on deaf years, the businessman walked away. Five years later, he founded a company called From the Basket. Hyped it as the next big thing poised to disrupt the seafood industry, the businessman raised billions of venture-capital. He came back to the island and bought the beach and turned it into a private resort. Healthcare and school costs surged on the island, and the fisherman can no longer support his child and family, and he no longer had a place to enjoy the sun.
Another five years later, an economic recession came, and the business collapsed, and the businessman became penniless. His resort fell into dereliction, his name into disrepute in the start-up world. Never one to be defeated, the businessman adjusted to his new realities and wrote a self-help booked titled “Parable of the Fisherman” and became a motivational speaker with a minor following, and fifth thousand followers on Quora. As for the fisherman, who gives a fuck what happened to him?
Okay I’m not sure where I was going with this…
Oh yeah, sunlight tax. Tragic.
#00117F 